Today the film “Cold Settlement” – a nominee for the Venice Film Festival, is being released. The film has already received rave reviews from film critics. We will definitely watch it and write a review. Here are the 5 worst poker movies. They are often found in selections of poker movies. We looked at them for you so that you don’t waste your time.
🎬 Shark Out of Water (2008)
- genre: short film, drama
- Imdb rating: 7,50
- Time: 18 minutes
The plot of the short is simple: two guys (let’s call “skill” and “unlucky”) spend time together playing poker. The first nine minutes of the action takes place in a poker club. Cooler distribution, debt play, Phil Hellmuth – everything is there.
The second eight minutes of the film “unlucky” gets on a visit to the “skill”. From the doorway, a quarrel flares up: the wife of a “skill” against her husband’s addiction to poker. The film ends with the “unlucky” calming a baby crying in the next room, leaving money (which he probably owed) and throwing out the “shark” talisman (quitting poker?)
How did a picture with a rating above 7.0 get to this list, because this is a high rating? This is a harmful movie for one reason: it equates poker with gambling (slot machines, roulette, blackjack, etc.) when the industry is fighting this misconception. The movie would be true if there was any other casino game instead of poker.
🎬 “Marked Cards” (“Cold Deck”, 2015)
- genre: drama, crime
- Imdb rating: 5,50
- Time: 01:20
Bobby (Stefano Gallo) is a simple worker from the factory (really straight from the factory). The mother is ill, the father is gone. Bobby is tired of the gray life and wants to change everything with the help of poker. True, he has no luck at cards. First, he loses money in katran so much that he cannot pay the $ 76 bill at the grocery store.
Then Bobby and his friend Ben (Kerr Hewitt) decide to get into a private game with Turk (Robbert Knepper) with $ 250K at stake. To get money for the buy-in ($ 25K), the guys decide to steal a car. The crime is successful, the car is sold, but money cannot be won. Heads-up Bobby loses to Chip (Paul Sorvino).
Chip then gives Bobby and Ben a tip. Instead of outplaying Turk, the guys go to the robbery. The robbery succeeds, the Turk, in a rage, thirsts for revenge …
The plot, the acting, the cinematography are all at a rather mediocre level. Until the end, it is not clear who Bobby’s father was, what graters he had with the “chip”. This movie is good if you run it somewhere in the ninth window during the session. But taking popcorn, your beloved woman, wrapping yourself in a blanket, turning off the lights and showing such a movie on the big screen is not worth it.
There is one very funny moment in this movie. Oversized tables. At the beginning of the film, there are small round 6-max tables on the screen, just like from westerns. But here is a huge green table in an expensive game at “Turk” – this is exclusive. This was not in any film. A dealer at such a table is not to be envied.
🎬 “The game all-in” (“All In”, 2006)
- genre: drama
- Imdb rating: 3,70
- Time: 01:34
The lowest rated movie in our top, but we wouldn’t call it the worst. The plot is original. Alicia Anderson “Ace” “Ace” is a medical student. Her father is a poker player. He made homies with friends, but his devout wife was always against it. Alicia took over poker skills from her father. Instead of bedtime stories, Dad asked all sorts of questions about poker probability and shared his observations of opponents’ tell.
The father always wanted his daughter to become a poker pro. After an unsuccessful skating rink, Alicia’s dad gets into a car accident. Alicia goes to honey. Ace’s classmates persuade Ace to return to poker in order to earn money to study. The guys have $ 1,100 for promotion. Alicia first sits in the cash and spins up to $ 4K, then flies out on the bubble satellite to a $ 10K tournament in the “winner takes all” format with $ 5M for the first. But in the end, the girl gets into the tournament. We won’t spoil the ending, but it’s easy to think of it.
What’s wrong with this movie?
- Directing, cinematography and acting work at the level of serials on the first channel, such as “Understand. Forgive ”or“ Detectives ”.
- “Happy end” ending and unrealistic plot twists.
- Crooked translation. And if “Queen” instead of “Lady” can still be forgiven, then the “big blind” is not.
🎬 «Va-банк» («Runner Runner», 2013)
- genre: thriller, crime
- Imdb rating: 5,60
- Time: 01:28
The film, which Gus Hansen gave 7 out of 10. The most popular film in our top. Don’t be fooled by Timberlake filming here and therefore the movie might be good. Better watch Timberlake play poker in the movie “Time”.
The plot of the film is fabulous. Richie First (Justin Timberlake) is a student at Princeton University. He is promoting online poker among students, which puts him at risk of expulsion. To earn money to pay for his studies, Richie decides to send $ 18K to the poker room and get promoted (apparently, in one evening). Playing NLHE, Richie finishes his bankroll up to $ 50K, friends command: “Take it out!” And they are right: by the end of the evening, Richie has zero on his balance sheet.
During the game, Richie First discovers that the room is scam. And instead of starting a discussion on 2 + 2, Richie flies to Costa Rica to find the owner of the tweaked room Ivan Block (Ben Affleck) and get his deposit back. And yet he finds him and returns the grandmother. And on top of that, he starts working for him.
The Va-Bank movie is the biggest disappointment in the world of poker movies. There was a lot of noise around him because this is a film from the creators of Rounders. But it seems that the poker expert was not involved in the creation of the picture. Just check out these phrases:
Playing three tables at once is statistically the best option!
This game cannot be won if you are not ready to risk everything.
There is such a theory of the game. I knock him off the pass, and he starts to pick up with fright.
Even the Costa Rican authorities were offended by the film. The film called this country: “a paradise for gambling addicts, drug addicts, dens, where all the police and other security workers are corrupt.”
The film fought back at the box office. With a budget of $ 30M, we managed to raise $ 62.2M. But we recommend not to waste time on this motion picture.
🎬 “Bet on love”, 2015
- genre: comedy, melodrama
- Imdb rating: 4,50
- Time: 01:35
In search of films about poker, we wandered into the territory of Russian cinema and made a bet for an hour and a half of our life on the film “Bet on Love” directed by Artyom Mikhalkov. And they lost.
David (Hovhannes Azoyan) is in love with Anna and is going to propose to her. Her father, a DPS colonel, is not against, and her mother is against. Because David is an Armenian Danny de Vito one and a half meters tall, working as a waiter in a sushi bar.
David is going to Anna’s family dinner. And in order to somehow add status to himself, he asks his friend Kostya to keep him company. He agrees, but in return asks for a test drive of a red Ferrari (Kostya works as a consultant in a car dealership), while he himself plays a satellite to the World Championship of Poker at Pokerdom during working hours.
The car is bought by the wife of a local crime boss, but during a test drive Ferrari goes from the bridge under the water along with Kostya’s passport and a ring for Anna. Now Kostya owes ₽12M to a local crime boss who bought this car for his wife. And since Kostya’s passport has drowned, David, who has never played cards before, is sent to the Poker Championship, where $ 10M is at stake.
This film is bad for its implausibility.
- To travel to the United States, you need a passport, not a regular passport; it is unlikely that Kostya kept both passports together.
- Where did the main character and his girlfriend get a visa to the United States?
- Why is there a winner-take-all tournament in Vegas in 2015? Shooting such a film in 2015 is the same as making a film about the Olympics, where there are only gold medals.
- Who and how prepared documents for the purchase of a car? And why, as a result of the incident, it was not possible to simply return the money back to the buyer?
The game itself is poorly shown. A couple of showdowns at Pokerdom and one distribution from the Championship. And in the film the word “value” is pronounced with an accent on the letter “y”.
Of the advantages of this film are scenes with the Joker (Alexander Revva) and an unexpected ending.
The film “Bet on Love” is a remake of the Armenian film “Poker by the Rules of Love” (2012). Even the main character is played by the same actor Hovhannes Azoyan. But only Poker by the Rules of Love has a rating of 6.80. Better watch it.